The Logic of Self Vindication

I finally broke down and bought the new Nickel Creek CD this week. (I have listened to it in its entirety some time ago and thought it wonderful immediately but was debating on whether to buy and actual CD or just download it from iTunes.)I am struck by the depth of this album. I would not call it dark, but it is sobering in its honest portrayal of relationships and longing. One song stands out to me as a powerful study in infidelity and self-justification: Helena (words posted at the end of this post).

The song doesn't describe the descent into infidelity... the infidelity is a given at the song's outset. Instead it describes wordly regret (v. salvific repentance) and the progression from pleading the mistress to just forget the adulterer, onto promises to leave the spouse and finally curses both spouse and mistress, proclaiming his self-sufficiency when the mistress will not remain silent.

Many religious folk who have not (yet) found themselves to have made some significant moral error in their lives (one that has consequences for long standing relationships) often think that others commit terrible sins, break up families and cheat each other out of money, because they have no conscience. While that might be true in some cases, the real reason people commit sins with such repercussions is that they are human... we are all fallen. The more interesting story is what we do with our failings. Can we handle the weight of guilt and face the consequences? It's here where things really go off the rails in human relationships.

'Helena' describes how we often concede our failing internally but desperately try to contain the collateral damage and avoid full responsibility. The failure to own our sins can only end with proclaiming the deficiency of all else around us... leaving us very alone. Self-vindication has its price: misery.

Helena by Nickel Creek

Helena, don't walk away
Before you give me back my heart
If it were mine, it would be yours to take
I'm sorry I've let down my guard, oh Helena

You looked so sweet
I should have seen
While I was playing for fun
You were playing for keeps

You win, I lose, is there some way
You can leave me in your debt
So my girl and I can live to die another day
On that day I won't forget you, Helena

You look so sweet waiting for me
While I wait for her to give me any reason to leave
Don't waste your pretty sympathy
She's gonna be just fine
And Helena, so will we
So will everything in time, mmm

Helena, don't walk away
Did you hear one word I said
Oh well, I never really liked her anyway
And I forgot her, I'll forget you, Helena

You're not that sweet
And neither is she
Go ahead and tell her anything
You walk, Helena

Cause guys like me never sleep alone at night
I don't need your sympathy
Cause I'll always be just fine
Yeah, I'll always be just fine
Yeah, I'll always be just fine
La la la, la la la, la la la